Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
