I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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