so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize