The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
In other news, I just burned my penis
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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