Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
