I have demons in me.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
