At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
