that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
