I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
