You just made me feel so damn special
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
