Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
