He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
