there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
