Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
