I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
