hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
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