We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
