Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
