I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
