The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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