Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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