just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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