do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
