I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
