Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
