Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
