Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
