the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
