Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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