I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Randomize