You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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