This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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