Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
