Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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