Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
