Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Randomize
