He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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