Having a random hookup so left but love u
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
