You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Randomize
