i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
