i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
