Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize