Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Please don't give away my fajitas
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
