imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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