everyone is single if you try hard enough
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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