I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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