The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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