Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
