Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
