...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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