what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just want to make out with him forever
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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