i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
