Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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