How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
