She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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