Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
