I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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