when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize