I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
