Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
