I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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