i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
