Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he was CRYING into my vagina
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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