had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize