Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
