I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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