You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
