party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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