Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
