Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
