didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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