so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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